Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
