I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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