You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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