just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
