I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
