I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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