I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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