does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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