my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
