he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
there is puke in my bra ... again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
