Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
