So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
