...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
