Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
