Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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