I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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