they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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