it's too hot outside to masturbate.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I skipped work to stalk him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
