Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
