he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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