i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
