were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
