Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
