Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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