I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
