I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
