I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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