I think I won the penis lottery.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
