Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
