Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
