you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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