New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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