dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
