His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
