life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
