Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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