the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
