I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
