I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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