Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
