Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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