Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
