btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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