I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I intend to get homeless drunk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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