then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
