The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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