Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
