this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
