RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
