i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is Oprah even human
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
