I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
