i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
